I'm writing something this evening that is completely different than what I had intended to share this weekend. God's been teaching me a lot the last few weeks about leadership, giving, humility (You can see I've been getting quite an education) and I have so much I need to express through these lessons. But as I sit writing this this evening, I am also able to realize that if God had worked things the way I had planned for them to go even half of the time over the last four years, I'd be graduating from college in less than a week. Instead of worrying about summer plans, roommates for this fall, and what classes I still need to get into, I could be worrying a lot more about grad school and seminaries accepting me, careers getting started, living costs, and a whole ton of stuff that I'm thankful that I'm not 'grown up' enough to have to deal with just yet.
Life have been speeding up to 200 miles per hour over the last few weeks, as it tend to do this time of year I guess. And as it's been getting faster and faster, I've become so heavy with feelings of responsibility, provision, and my plans working out with life's big 'to-do's.
Finally, this evening I just couldn't take it anymore. I just needed to get out and clear my head. I took off on a motorcycle ride towards Goshen, AR not intending to go far; a quick jaunt if you will. I quickly found myself trying to work out some frustration and anxiety by pushing the riding experience and twisting the throttle a little more than I should have (don't tell my mom, please), when as I come up to a nice straight-away, I see this quiet little pasture. It was sad knowing that it was waiting to be ruined by more housing development. But for now, it was too picturesque to pass by. I pulled up, parked my bike, and hiked out to it a little ways where I found this little hill, overlooking a gorgeous field of flowers, a glassy, meandering pond, and a backdrop of trees and hills that slapped me into remembering just how beautiful Arkansas is around here.
It was only after quietly sitting down in the grass, that I felt like God's peace come over my heart with all of my weight I've been carrying. I guess it was the kind of thing that is described in Phillipians 4:7 because I remembered the below out of nowhere.
"Be still, and know that I AM God, exalted among the nations." Psalm 46:10
"Trust in the Lord and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act, making your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like the noonday. Be silent before the Lord and wait expectantly for Him." Psalm 37:1-7
It was only after reading these that I realized how much I've been seeking God in everything, but lately I haven't allowed Him any room to do things Hid way. I haven't completely trusted my will and desires to Him. A friend sent me something this week that talked about this with a way wiser perspective than I can convey, and it can be found here: http://profile.purposedriven.com/dailyhope/post.html?contentid=4332. The biggest things I took from this though was this "Genuine surrender says, "Father, if this problem, pain, sickness, or circumstance is needed to fulfill your purpose and glory in my life or in another's life, please don't take it away!"
I read the story in the gospel of where Jesus prays this prayer to God in complete surrendered silence, and it made me realize how seldom I slow down enough during life's speeding by, to simply be quiet, and surrender my situation, circumstances, relationships, and dreams to Him. After all, He never fails, and as Psalm 37:34 says "Put your hope in the Lord and wait on Him; travel steadily along His path and you will inherit the land."
So as I fight thoughts of anxiety about support raising deadlines for Greece this summer, housing for next year, and all of the other things that life demands done, I am renewed to be still, wait for Him, and know that He's got it covered anyway, and His way is what I want.
02 May, 2010
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