I've commanded you to be strong and brave. Don't ever be afraid or discouraged! I am the LORD your God, and I will be there to help you wherever you go.
-Joshua 1:9
Tonight, I had to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've never experienced fear so gripping that it physically manifested itself in me with bodily shaking. Everything in me wanted to turn, run out the doors, and hide. But as I remembered what God has been convicting me of so much lately, which is that nothing is by my will; it's His will or it's not good enough; I kept picturing Christ asking to have the cup taken from him, but ultimately asking if it were to be taken, that it would not be his will, but the Father's. I knew I was called to do this thing. Almost like everything my life had lead up to thus far, all of the growth I felt so confident I had experienced lately, was to be tested in this blind, convicting, humbling task. Before I stepped out to 'take the cup', I suddenly remembered the verse at the top of this entry. I realized tonight, that God will never ask us to do something that Christ didn't have to do as well. We both asked for the cup to be taken, the task we were convicted of, but it was not to be. Instead, we have the command (that's right, Josh 1:9 isn't encouragement, it's an order) that we are to be strong, brave, courageous. The verse almost makes it sound absurd that we would ever be afraid. We have the God of the universe with us, wherever we go! As I stepped out tonight, before I uttered a word from my larynx, I knew He was with me because He had called me to do this. And in the same way He didn't take the cup from His own son for His glory, he would be glorified through this son, because He had called me to do it in the first place. So if anyone is actually reading this, I am literally praying that right now, you would be strong, courageous, brave, and if He doesn't take the cup back, don't be afraid. He's with you because He asked you to take it in the first place.
